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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/29003604">right and wrong didn't seem so hazy</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/ShyAudacity/pseuds/ShyAudacity'>ShyAudacity</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Bad Things Happen Bingo [4]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>9-1-1 (TV)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Aftermath, Anxiety, Bad Things Happen Bingo, Bobby Nash needs a hug, Churches &amp; Cathedrals, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Episode: s02e18 This Life We Choose, F/M, Fix-It of Sorts, Grief/Mourning, Healthy Relationships, Hospitals, Light Angst, Missing Scene, Other, Past Character Death, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Prompt Fill, just a little</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-01-26</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-01-26</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-13 11:40:01</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,215</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/29003604</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/ShyAudacity/pseuds/ShyAudacity</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>He’s shaking now, there’s no way to hide it. He’s stuck in a loop of that moment, the picture of it warping more and more as time passes. The smoke and all the sirens illuminated in his head. It’s bleeding together with the fire that killed his family- his sweet children. Bobby craves to hold them so badly; wishes he could think of their faces without a tragedy being attached.</p>
<p>
  <em>I want my kids! …I couldn’t protect them from me.</em>
</p>
<p>Athena’s hand on his shoulder startles him, but the look on her face doesn’t waver. Bobby knows he probably looks like a mess right now, but he can’t help it.</p>
<p>“C’mon,” she says, firm and gentle all at once. “Let’s take a walk.”</p>
<p>OR</p>
<p>For Bingo Square: Take Me Instead.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Athena Grant/Bobby Nash, Bobby Nash &amp; Firehouse 118 Crew</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Bad Things Happen Bingo [4]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/2101905</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>13</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>96</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>right and wrong didn't seem so hazy</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><ul class="associations">
      <li>For <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/users/yawnralphio/gifts">yawnralphio</a>.</li>



    </ul><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>This made me realize how much I love Bathena and that I need to write it more. And it's definitely more of the after-effects of someone saying "take me instead" opposed to the actual moment, so apologies for that. Please tell me if there are any tags that I missed!</p>
<p>Griffin, I hope you love it! </p>
<p>Beta'd by the wonderful Becky (Nearly) and title from Grandpa (Tell Me 'Bout The Good Old Days) by The Judds.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>If Bobby knows anything, it’s that he’s tired of waiting rooms.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Hen’s asked him if he wants coffee no less than six times in the last hour that they’ve been sitting here. God love her, but she’s not catching on. Bobby’s got enough anxiety coursing through him right now to keep him awake for a year; he doesn’t need the extra help.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He’s posted himself up in the corner of the waiting room, watching as his team sits in near-complete silence. Technically, he hasn’t been reinstated as captain yet, but he needs to be here. What kind of leader would he be if retreated after a fallout- besides, Buck is somewhere back past those emergency room doors being worked on. Bobby plans to be here once they all finally hear something about how he’s doing.  </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Since he pulled up to the bombing wreck, his brain has felt like it’s going a million miles a minute. When he saw the fire truck overturned and Freddie Costas at the center of all it- Bobby knew that he had to do something. Before he could even convince himself not to do it, he was telling Athena a brisk </span>
  <em>
    <span>I love you </span>
  </em>
  <span>and</span>
  <em>
    <span> shoot me if you have to</span>
  </em>
  <span> before marching through the smoke, showing himself to Freddie and attempting to talk him down.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>I thought you’d be on the truck.</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>-I’m here now.</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He knew it was a bad idea. Really, he did. But his team was out there, most of them hurt in some way. Bobby couldn’t just sit back and do nothing. He’s the captain, it’s his job to keep everyone else out of harm's way- even if that means sacrificing himself. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Now, though, coming down from that adrenaline high, he feels like his hands are going to vibrate and fall off his body. Bobby keeps hearing Freddie’s word in his ears, screaming at him. He can still taste the smoke- he can see the pained look on Buck’s face from being pinned with no way out in sight.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>He wasn’t even a firefighter when your father burned down that restaurant!</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>...Collateral damage. </span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He’s shaking now, there’s no way to hide it. He’s stuck in a loop of that moment, the picture of it warping more and more as time passes. The smoke and all the sirens illuminated in his head. It’s bleeding together with the fire that killed his family- his sweet children. Bobby craves to hold them so badly; wishes he could think of their faces without a tragedy being attached.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>I want my kids! …I couldn’t protect them from me.</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Athena’s hand on his shoulder startles him, but the look on her face doesn’t waver. Bobby knows he probably looks like a mess right now, but he can’t help it.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“C’mon,” she says, firm and gentle all at once. “Let’s take a walk.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>They walk the halls until they find the hospital chapel; she knows him so well. Bobby doesn’t know why he didn’t think of coming here sooner. There’s no one else around; Bobby sits in the middle of the room, staring at the stained glass just behind the cross. Of all the times that he’s sat in a chapel just like this one, he’s never been able to get over the beauty of the glass fixtures- how the light catches and spreads color across the room. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Athena stands just behind his chair and keeps her hands on his shoulders, moving them ever so slightly. She adds pressure steadily, coaxing all of the stress and bad feelings out of him; when Bobby lets out a rough exhale, she slides her hands down to his chest, holding place right over his heart.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Let it out, baby… you know you can’t carry all of this with you. Let the world hold it for a while.”  </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>That’s all it takes to break Bobby for good. The crying surprises him, loud and unrelenting as it leaves his mouth. He hurts as bad as the day they died- if it’s even possible. It’s been a while since he </span>
  <em>
    <span>ached</span>
  </em>
  <span> like this, and somewhere anyone could walk by and see him, too. His grief always has had the habit of sneaking up on him when he least expected it. Given the emotional rollercoaster of the past few days, maybe he should’ve seen this coming.  </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"I wish they were here," he cries into Athena's arm. "It hurts to m-miss them this much." </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Bobby’s exhausted by the time it’s over, but Athena holds him even still. With tired arms, he reaches up and closes his hands around Athena’s forearms, pressing her even closer than before. The smell of her perfume is grounding in the best way, something sweet and warm just like her.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Athena’s cheek presses into the side of his head, quietly asking, “Better?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He nods, not quite able to make the words come out yet. Of all the miracles that have made their way into his life, Athena is by far the one that he’s most grateful for.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Bobby,” she says after a minute; he hums, picking his head up a little to show that he’s listening. “Do something like that again and you’ll never hear the end of it.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He laughs even though he knows she’s being serious. Bobby nods, his voice wet and tired as he says, “No more walking into the line of fire on purpose, I promise.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>“Good.”</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <span>It’s another twenty minutes before he trusts his legs enough to pick himself and carry him back out to the waiting room. He doesn’t let go of Athena’s hand until he reaches his team again, and even then, it’s just to check in that they’re all doing okay.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He takes the open seat next to Eddie; Bobby recognizes the haunted look in his eye as he stares just past the doors. He saw it in himself for months after his family died, could barely look at himself in a mirror most of the time. It’s too recent that his team was in this hospital in such a similar fashion. Bobby prays that it’s a long while before they’re here again, if at all.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>With his free hand, Bobby settles his palm between Eddie’s shoulders, catching his eye for just a moment. Eddie gives him a pitiful smile that doesn’t come close to reaching his eyes, but Bobby knows that he’s trying to keep it together, so he doesn’t push. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He squeezes Athena’s hand that’s still wrapped up in his, pulling her away from her quiet conversation with Hen to look him in the eye. Bobby keeps his voice firm. “Thank you.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She looks surprised, of all things. “For what?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“For loving me, and sticking by me when things are hard. It means more than you know.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Athena takes his face in her hands, thumbing over his cheeks as she shakes her head in disbelief. “Believe me, you make it easy.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He settles into her palms for a moment, holding her wrists in his hands, just barely able to feel her pulse jump up under the skin. After that, he settles into his chair and sits with his ever-growing chosen family. Bobby keeps tabs on all of them as they sit around, waiting to hear anything about their other team member, hoping that everything turns out okay.   </span>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Everybody needs an Athena Grant-Nash in their life and that's just a fact. </p>
<p>Hey, thanks for reading my fic! Comments/Kudos are appreciated and encouraged. Have a great day!</p></blockquote></div></div>
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